An important senator arranges to use an escort service and winds up with a beautiful japanese girl who speaks no english.

They go into his hotel room and start having  sex and she gets into it like there's no tomorrow! She starts yelling the same japanese word over and over and making faces and he can tell he's driving her crazy! He's never had it so good.

At midnight, a middle-aged man was waiting at a train station to cross the country to see his relative back east. As he stepped up into the train car, he noticed that the car was almost empty except for a young beautiful nun who sat by herself reading a Bible.

The man sat next to her,hoping to get some companionship during the long ride. However, the nun paid no attention to him. She just kept on reading the Bible without even looking up to him or saying a word.

Half an hour went by slowly and silently, which made the man more and more anxious to start a conversation. But he did not know how to start. The man then put his hand on the nun's lap. The nun blushed with a little bit of anger.

She turned around and said, "Dear sir, do you believe in God?"

The man replied, "Yes, I do."

Nun, "Have you read the bible? Do you know it is wrong to put your hand on my lap? Perhaps you should go home and read line 23 on page 157."

The man withdrew his hand and sat quietly until the train reached the East Coast. The next day, he opened up the Bible and was shocked to read line 23: "Heaven is a little bit higher."

A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute.

"Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $700,000, you give not a   penny   to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?"

The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?"

Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, "Um ... no."

The lawyer interrupts, "or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?"

The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again.

"or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children?!"

The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, said simply, "I had no idea..."

On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, "So if I don't give any money to them, why should I give any to you?"

One day, there was this lawyer who had just bought a new car, and he was eager to show it off to his colleagues, when all of a sudden an eighteen wheeler came out of nowhere and took of the driver's side door with him standing right there. "NOOO!" he screamed, because he knew that no matter how good a mechanic tried to fix it, it never would be the same.

Finally, a cop came by, and the lawyer ran up to him yelling. "MY JAGUAR DOOR WAS JUST RUINED BY SOME FOOLISH DRIVER!!!" he exclaimed. "Your a lawyer aren't you?" asked the policeman. "Yes, I am, but what does this have to do with my car?!?!" the lawyer asked. "HA! Your lawyers are always so materialistic.

All you care about is your possessions. I bet you didn't even notice that your left arm is missing did you?" the cop said. The lawyer looked down at his side and exclaimed "MY ROLEX!"

Two asses met in a market; one ass asked the other, 'Why have you become so weak and sullen, doesn't your owner treat you well?'

The other ass replied,  'No, my owner makes me work throughout the day and does not give me any food. He is very cruel.'

The first ass said, 'Why don't you leave his house and run away?'

The other ass replied: 'No, I shall not leave his house even if he tortures me, because my owner's daughter is very pretty. Whenever she does any mistake, my owner always abuses her saying that, "One day I will get you married to this donkey", I am waiting for that day to come.'

 No matter what situations life throws at you...  no matter how long and treacherous your journey may seem...  Remember, there is a light at the end of the tunnel

! 

 ! 

You're laughing aren't you?  That's good .......my job here is done !

1. People who ride on roller coaters have a higher chance of having a blood clot in the brain.
2. Black bears are not always black they can be brown, cinnamon, yellow and sometimes white.
3. Each year 30,000 people are seriously injured by exercise equipment.
4. The placement of a donkey's eyes in its head enables it to see all four feet.
5. The sun is 330330 times larger than the earth.
6. The cow gives nearly 200000 glass of milk in her lifetime.
7. There are more female than male millionaires in the U.S.A.
8. A male baboon can kill a leopard.
9. When a person dies, hearing is usually the first sense to go.
10. Bill gates house was designed using Macintosh computer.
11. Nearly 22,000 cheques will be deducted from the wrong account over the next hour.
12. Almost all varieties of breakfast cereals are made from grass.
13. Some lions mates over 50 times a day.
14. American did not commonly use forks until after the civil war.
15. The most productive day of the week is Tuesday.
16. In the 1930's America track star Jesse Owens used to race against horses and dogs to earn a living.
17. There's a great mushroom in Oregon that is 2,400 years old. Covers 3.4 square miles of land and is still growing.
18. Jimmy Carter is the first U.S.A. president to have born in hospital.
19. Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.
20. Cleopatra married two of her brothers.
21. Human birth control pill work on gorillas.
22. The right lung takes in more air than the left.
23. It is illegal to own a red car in shanghai china.
24. A hard-boiled egg will spin. An uncooked or soft-boiled egg will not.
25. Astronauts cannot burp in space.
26. The snowiest city in the U.S.A. is blue canyon, California Lake Nicaragua in Nicaragua is the only fresh water lake in the world that has sharks.
27. Kite flying is a professional sport in Thailand.
28. The great warrior Genghis khan died in bed while having $ex.
29. No matter how cold it gets gasoline will not freeze.
30. SNAILS have 14175 teeth laid along 135 rows on their tongue.
31. A BUTTERFLY has 12,000 eyes.
32. DOLPHINS sleep with 1 eye open.
33. A BLUE WHALE can eat as much as 3 tones of food everyday, but at the same time can live without food for 6 months.
34. The EARTH has over 12,00,000 species of animals, 3,00,000 species of plants & 1,00,000 other species.
35. The fierce DINOSAUR was TYRANNOSAURS which has sixty long & sharp teeth, used to attack & eat other dinosaurs.
36. DEMETRIO was a mammal like REPTILE with a snail on its back. This acted as a radiator to cool the body of the animal.
37. CASSOWARY is one of the dangerous BIRD, that can kill a man or animal by tearing off with its dagger like claw.
38. The SWAN has over 25,000 feathers in its body.
39. OSTRICH eats pebbles to help digestion by grinding up the ingested food.
40. POLAR BEAR can look clumsy & slow but during chase on ice, can reach 25 miles / hr of speed.
41. KIWIS are the only birds, which hunt by sense of smell.
42. ELEPHANT teeth can weigh as much as 9 pounds.
43. OWL is the only bird, which can rotate its head to 270 degrees.
44. In the last 4000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.
45. On average, people fear spiders more than they do death.
46. The c!garette lighter was invented before the match.
47. Like fingerprints, everyone's tongue print is different.
48. Tapeworms range in size from about 0.04 inch to more than 50 feet in length.
49. German Shepherds bite humans more than any other breed of dog.
50. A female mackerel lays about 500,000 eggs at one time.

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A French teenager who wrote a letter to her late mother in heaven had returned with a demand for the postal costs. A girl named Anais who is only 13 year old addressed the letter to Paradise Street, Heaven.

Two days later the letter was returned to her home in Chatillonais with an "unknown at this address" notices and a demand for 1.53 euros as she hadn't put a stamp on the envelope.

Two years after her mother's death Anais was still inconsolable. She decided to send her mum know how much she loved her. The French post office has since apologized. A spokesman said there was a village called Ciel, which means heaven in French, But it had no Paradise Street.