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Quick witted!!!!
04.16.08 (9:33 am)   [edit]
A man walked into the produce section of his local supermarket and asked to buy half a head of lettuce. The boy working in that department told him that they only sold whole heads of lettuce. The man was insistent that the boy ask his manager about the matter.

Walking  into the back room, the boy said to his manager, "Some asshole wants to buy a half a head of lettuce." As he finished his sentence, he turned to find the man standing right behind him, so he added, "and this gentleman kindly offered to buy the other half."

The manager approved the deal and the man went on his way.

Later the manager found the boy and said, "I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier. We like people who think on their feet here. Where are you from, son?"

"Canada, sir," the boy replied.

"Well, why did you leave Canada," the manager asked.

The boy said, "Sir, there's nothing but whores and hockey players up there."

"Really!" said the manager. "My wife is from Canada!"

The boy replied, "No kidding???? Who did she play for?"
3 Comments
 
True confessions
04.08.08 (10:38 am)   [edit]
Four older ladies are sitting around playing bridge. The first lady says, "Hey girls, we have been good friends for too long and there is something I must get off my chest. I am a kleptomaniac. But, don't worry,  I have        never stolen from you and I never will."

The second lady says, "Well, since we are having true confessions here, I must get something off my chest too. I am a nymphomaniac. But don't worry, I have not hit on your husbands. They don't interest me and never will; we have been friends for too long."

"Well," says the third lady, "I, too, must confess something. I am a lesbian. But do not worry, I will not hit on you. You are not my type. We have been friends too long for me to ruin our friendship."

The fourth lady stands up, says, "I have a confession to make also. I am an uncontrollable gossip, and I have some phone calls to make!"
1 Comments
 
Technical School
04.05.08 (7:36 am)   [edit]
It all depends on the persons wants and needs. Technical schools are good for people who really want to specialize. A technical education helps you develop skills in a very wide  field of study.
 
But if you are want to be a Technical Professional? If you are really interested with technology career you can join with technical school . In there you can choose the various career & programs that you want.
 
A tech schools colleges, and institutes located throughout the country provide a high multitude of education courses and programs and it traning skill founded a since a many years ago. They competing to each other they like to achieved the very best from others.
0 Comments
 
Penis Enlargement
04.04.08 (4:02 am)   [edit]

If you are like the thousands of other guys who visit my blog every day then you are looking for a way to easily enlarge your penis. What is more you probably want achieve that bigger size as fast as possible so you can start enjoying the increased confidence straight away.

Well I have used a penis enlargement product that allows you to do all of this and more.The  penis-enlargement-r eview.org, helps you in increasing the size of your penis.

Here you will find various ways i.e. from extenders to penis enlargement pills   to creams and oils, with reviews from users of the products and all the information you need to get you started.

 

By adopting these methods you can:

- Increase your penis length by 1-3 inches

- Add inches to your penis thickness

- Reduce and remove that painful curvature

 

Here you will find only those product which are prescribed and recommended by doctors for safe and permanent penis enlargement. Other cheaper devices are not clinically proven and this means you risk both your health and your money if you buy them.

So order your product today and become a better lover.

0 Comments
 
Now ....Married troops can live together in Iraq.
04.02.08 (10:03 am)   [edit]

When American soldiers get off duty in Iraq, the men usually return to their quarters, the women to theirs. But staff sergeant Marvin Frazier gets to go back to a small trailer with two pushed-together single beds that he shares with his wife.

In a historic but little-noticed change in policy, the army is allowing scores of husband-and-wife soldiers to live and sleep together in the war zone - a move aimed at preserving marriages, boosting morale and perhaps bolstering re-enlistment rates at a time when the military is struggling to fill its ranks five years into the fighting.

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Long-standing army rules barred soldiers of the opposite sex from sharing sleeping quarters in war zones. Even married troops lived only in all-male or all-female quarters and had no private living space. But in May 2006, army commanders in Iraq, with little fanfare, decided that it is in the military's interest to promote wedded bliss. 

0 Comments
 
MICROSOFT CIGAR !!!! NOW IN MARKET
04.01.08 (3:05 am)   [edit]
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                                                "April Fool"

                                                               Wink Laughing  Money mouth
 

0 Comments
 
A Monkey Kidnap a Kute Kitten....!!!
04.01.08 (2:55 am)   [edit]

 

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    & nbsp;   Photobucket

0 Comments
 
Wrong one??
03.28.08 (10:38 am)   [edit]

An important senator arranges to use an escort service and winds up with a beautiful japanese girl who speaks no english.

They go into his hotel room and start having  sex and she gets into it like there's no tomorrow! She starts yelling the same japanese word over and over and making faces and he can tell he's driving her crazy! He's never had it so good.

The next morning, he's golfing with the japanese ambassador, and he makes a birdie. He suddenly remembers the word that the Japanese woman kept yelling out loud the night before, and he yells it out.

The ambassador looks at him strangely, looks at the pin, and says, "no, that was the right hole."

 

0 Comments
 
The Train Ride
03.27.08 (8:40 am)   [edit]

At midnight, a middle-aged man was waiting at a train station to cross the country to see his relative back east. As he stepped up into the train car, he noticed that the car was almost empty except for a young beautiful nun who sat by herself reading a Bible.

The man sat next to her,hoping to get some companionship during the long ride. However, the nun paid no attention to him. She just kept on reading the Bible without even looking up to him or saying a word.

Half an hour went by slowly and silently, which made the man more and more anxious to start a conversation. But he did not know how to start. The man then put his hand on the nun's lap. The nun blushed with a little bit of anger.

She turned around and said, "Dear sir, do you believe in God?"

The man replied, "Yes, I do."

Nun, "Have you read the bible? Do you know it is wrong to put your hand on my lap? Perhaps you should go home and read line 23 on page 157."

The man withdrew his hand and sat quietly until the train reached the East Coast. The next day, he opened up the Bible and was shocked to read line 23: "Heaven is a little bit higher."

1 Comments
 
Hardest putt...!!!
03.27.08 (8:31 am)   [edit]
An older couple are playing in the annual club championship. They are playing in a playoff hole and it is down to a six inch putt that the wife has to make.

She takes her stance and her husband can see her trembling. She putts and misses, they lose the match.

On the way home in the car her husband is fuming, "I can't believe you missed that putt! That putt was no longer than my 'willy'."

The wife just looked over at her husband and smiled and said, "Yes dear, but it was much harder!"
0 Comments
 
Charity
03.26.08 (10:58 am)   [edit]

A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute.

"Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $700,000, you give not a   penny   to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?"

The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?"

Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, "Um ... no."

The lawyer interrupts, "or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?"

The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again.

"or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children?!"

The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, said simply, "I had no idea..."

On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, "So if I don't give any money to them, why should I give any to you?"

2 Comments
 
My Car
03.26.08 (10:52 am)   [edit]

One day, there was this lawyer who had just bought a new car, and he was eager to show it off to his colleagues, when all of a sudden an eighteen wheeler came out of nowhere and took of the driver's side door with him standing right there. "NOOO!" he screamed, because he knew that no matter how good a mechanic tried to fix it, it never would be the same.

Finally, a cop came by, and the lawyer ran up to him yelling. "MY JAGUAR DOOR WAS JUST RUINED BY SOME FOOLISH DRIVER!!!" he exclaimed. "Your a lawyer aren't you?" asked the policeman. "Yes, I am, but what does this have to do with my car?!?!" the lawyer asked. "HA! Your lawyers are always so materialistic.

 

All you care about is your possessions. I bet you didn't even notice that your left arm is missing did you?" the cop said. The lawyer looked down at his side and exclaimed "MY ROLEX!"

1 Comments
 
Assinine aspirations!!!!!!!!
03.25.08 (6:52 am)   [edit]

Two asses met in a market; one ass asked the other, 'Why have you become so weak and sullen, doesn't your owner treat you well?'

The other ass replied,  'No, my owner makes me work throughout the day and does not give me any food. He is very cruel.'



The first ass said, 'Why don't you leave his house and run away?'


The other ass replied: 'No, I shall not leave his house even if he tortures me, because my owner's daughter is very pretty. Whenever she does any mistake, my owner always abuses her saying that, "One day I will get you married to this donkey", I am waiting for that day to come.'

1 Comments
 
Good & Bad News
03.25.08 (6:42 am)   [edit]
At the hospital, there was a man laying in the emergency room, the doctor opened the door and walked toward the man.

Man said, 'Will I be ok, Doctor?"

The doctor turned to him and said, "Well there is good and bad news."

"Tell me the bad news", said the man.

"Well," said the doctor, "the bad news is that we are going to cut both your legs off."

"Oh my god," said the man, "What the hell is the good news?"

"The good news is," said the doctor, "see that man over there, he wants to buy your shoes."
1 Comments
 
William sisters at Bangalore Open Tennis....
03.15.08 (10:55 pm)   [edit]

 

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0 Comments
 
Light at the end of the tunnel.....!!!!!
03.15.08 (2:34 am)   [edit]

 No matter what situations life throws at you...  no matter how long and treacherous your journey may seem...  Remember, there is a light at the end of the tunnel



 ! 

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You're laughing aren't you?  That's good .......my job here is done !

4 Comments
 
Amazing Facts
03.14.08 (6:29 am)   [edit]
  1. People who ride on roller coaters have a higher chance of having a blood clot in the brain.
  2. Black bears are not always black they can be brown, cinnamon, yellow and sometimes white.
  3. Each year 30,000 people are seriously injured by exercise equipment.
  4. The placement of a donkey's eyes in its head enables it to see all four feet.
  5. The sun is 330330 times larger than the earth.
  6. The cow gives nearly 200000 glass of milk in her lifetime.
  7. There are more female than male millionaires in the U.S.A.
  8. A male baboon can kill a leopard.
  9. When a person dies, hearing is usually the first sense to go.
  10. Bill gates house was designed using Macintosh computer.
  11. Nearly 22,000 cheques will be deducted from the wrong account over the next hour.
  12. Almost all varieties of breakfast cereals are made from grass.
  13. Some lions mates over 50 times a day.
  14. American did not commonly use forks until after the civil war.
  15. The most productive day of the week is Tuesday.
  16. In the 1930's America track star Jesse Owens used to race against horses and dogs to earn a living.
  17. There's a great mushroom in Oregon that is 2,400 years old. Covers 3.4 square miles of land and is still growing.
  18. Jimmy Carter is the first U.S.A. president to have born in hospital.
  19. Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.
  20. Cleopatra married two of her brothers.
  21. Human birth control pill work on gorillas.
  22. The right lung takes in more air than the left.
  23. It is illegal to own a red car in shanghai china.
  24. A hard-boiled egg will spin. An uncooked or soft-boiled egg will not.
  25. Astronauts cannot burp in space.
  26. The snowiest city in the U.S.A. is blue canyon, California Lake Nicaragua in Nicaragua is the only fresh water lake in the world that has sharks.
  27. Kite flying is a professional sport in Thailand.
  28. The great warrior Genghis khan died in bed while having $ex.
  29. No matter how cold it gets gasoline will not freeze.
  30. SNAILS have 14175 teeth laid along 135 rows on their tongue.
  31. A BUTTERFLY has 12,000 eyes.
  32. DOLPHINS sleep with 1 eye open.
  33. A BLUE WHALE can eat as much as 3 tones of food everyday, but at the same time can live without food for 6 months.
  34. The EARTH has over 12,00,000 species of animals, 3,00,000 species of plants & 1,00,000 other species.
  35. The fierce DINOSAUR was TYRANNOSAURS which has sixty long & sharp teeth, used to attack & eat other dinosaurs.
  36. DEMETRIO was a mammal like REPTILE with a snail on its back. This acted as a radiator to cool the body of the animal.
  37. CASSOWARY is one of the dangerous BIRD, that can kill a man or animal by tearing off with its dagger like claw.
  38. The SWAN has over 25,000 feathers in its body.
  39. OSTRICH eats pebbles to help digestion by grinding up the ingested food.
  40. POLAR BEAR can look clumsy & slow but during chase on ice, can reach 25 miles / hr of speed.
  41. KIWIS are the only birds, which hunt by sense of smell.
  42. ELEPHANT teeth can weigh as much as 9 pounds.
  43. OWL is the only bird, which can rotate its head to 270 degrees.
  44. In the last 4000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.
  45. On average, people fear spiders more than they do death.
  46. The c!garette lighter was invented before the match.
  47. Like fingerprints, everyone's tongue print is different.
  48. Tapeworms range in size from about 0.04 inch to more than 50 feet in length.
  49. German Shepherds bite humans more than any other breed of dog.
  50. A female mackerel lays about 500,000 eggs at one time.
4 Comments
 
Monaco's Finest rare coins.
03.09.08 (8:11 am)   [edit]
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When I talk about rare coins, I am referring to coins with a large numismatic value. Many pre-1933 gold coins are so abundant they have very little numismatic value and are just another way to invest in gold bullion, but many others have large numismatic values that run into the thousands - even millions - of dollars above the value of their gold content.

For example, a recent 1856-O $20 gold double eagle, with a little less than 1 ounce of gold content, was sold to a collector for $542,000. That is more than $541,000 above the current price of the gold content of that coin. Now that is a rare gold coin with a large numismatic value!

These days precious metals and rare coins are becoming a safe investment when compared to the ups and downs that stock market is experiencing. As the U.S. faces threats from the declining wages, the shriveling dollar and foreign competition there is no better opportunity then to invest in something that will always have value due to its scarcity. Rare coins and precious medals are scarce commodities in which the world is not making any more of and companies like Monaco Rare Coin are giving you the chance to invest or buy a gift for a special someone.

Monaco Rare Coin is backed with 40 years of industry experience. Monaco Rare Coin provides top-notch Quality, integrity, honesty, and fairness in all we do. Offering fast shipping with great customer support, and prices that can't be beat! Through its commitment, experience, and expertise,Monaco offers an established two-way buy-and-sell market for rare coins and precious metals products. They are actively involved in all aspects of the rare coin trade the wholesale market, the collector market, the international market and auctions.

1 Comments
 
A Letter to Heaven
03.09.08 (6:35 am)   [edit]

A French teenager who wrote a letter to her late mother in heaven had returned with a demand for the postal costs. A girl named Anais who is only 13 year old addressed the letter to Paradise Street, Heaven.

Two days later the letter was returned to her home in Chatillonais with an "unknown at this address" notices and a demand for 1.53 euros as she hadn't put a stamp on the envelope.

Two years after her mother's death Anais was still inconsolable. She decided to send her mum know how much she loved her. The French post office has since apologized. A spokesman said there was a village called Ciel, which means heaven in French, But it had no Paradise Street.

1 Comments
 
One Wheel Bike
03.08.08 (8:29 am)   [edit]

 

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0 Comments
 
The Loving Wife
02.26.08 (3:44 am)   [edit]
It's the P.S. at the end you need to note! 


To my darling husband,

Before you return from your business trip I just want to let you know about the

small accident I had with the pick up truck when I turned into the driveway.  

Fortunately I was not too bad injured and I really didn't get hurt, so please don't worry too

much about me.

I was coming home from ASDA, and when I turned into the driveway I

accidentally pushed down on the accelerator instead of the brake.

The garage door is slightly bent but the pick up fortunately came to a halt when

it bumped into your car.

I am really sorry, but I know with your kind-hearted personality you will

forgive me. You know how much I love you and care for you my sweetheart.

I am enclosing a picture for you.

I cannot wait to hold you in my arms again.

Your loving wife.
XXX 
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1 Comments
 
Enlarge your Penis
02.25.08 (9:15 am)   [edit]

Penis enlargement is a topical debate these days because it poses an interesting problem. On one hand, a lot of men think that their penis cannot be enlarged and that all penis enlargement products are scams.

On the other hand, it's getting impossible to ignore the huge amount of medical evidence that penis enlargement has indeed worked for many satisfied customers. That's why so many men are torn between their disbelief and cynicism and the very real desire to get a bigger penis that would make them feel better about themselves.

 

Penis extender devices, also known as stretchers, are the most effective products on the open market, provided they are the genuine article and medical quality, of course.

 

The basic principle behind stretchers focuses on the ability of the human body to adapt to gradual, constant pressure. Traction is used widely in modern medicine, as a way to promote new tissue growth and medical experts have applied the same theory to penis enlargement with great success.

 

Thus, an extender device that keeps the penis gently stretched beyond the normal flaccid size increases the penis's ability to hold more blood, resulting in longer and thicker erections as well as improving the non erect size.

 

Some penis enlargement products are safe, recommended by doctors and clinically proven to be effective.

A  website called  EnlargementWorld.com  helps you in increasing the size of your penis. Enlargement World Reviews lists all the different methods you can use for extending size.

Here at male enhancement reviews you will find various ways i.e. from extenders to pills to creams and oils, with reviews from users of the products and all the information you need to get you started. Photobucket

 

This is the product you have been searching for and now it is time to bite the bullet and start taking your first steps towards a better, more confident future. Putting it off until tomorrow will only prolong your embarrassment of having an inadequate sized penis so.

Check out the extender review & order your product today and become a better lover.

0 Comments
 
Way to hide your email.....................!!!!!!!!!!!!!!See it privately
02.24.08 (8:50 am)   [edit]

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HOWZZAT...............???? Cool

3 Comments
 
Your Mobile Phone's Secret Exposed
02.23.08 (12:52 am)   [edit]

4 Things You Never Knew Your Mobile Phone Could Do:

 
There are a few things that can be done in times of grave emergencies. Your mobile phone can actually be a life saver or an emergency tool for survival. Check out the things that you can do with it:

 
1. Emergency:

The Emergency Number worldwide for Mobile is 112. If you find yourself out of the coverage area of your mobile; network and there is an emergency, dial 112 and the mobile will search any existing network to establish the emergency number for you, and interestingly this number 112 can be dialed even if the keypad is locked. Try it out. Also in Australia , the Australian emergency number 000 can be dialled whilst your mobile phone keyboard is locked. This is another reason why 000 receives so many false emergency calls!

 

2. Have you locked your keys in the car? 

Does your car have remote keyless entry? This may come in handy someday. Good reason to own a cell phone: If you lock your keys in the car and the spare keys are at home, call someone at home on their mobile phone from your cell phone. Hold your cell phone about a foot from your car door and have the person at your home press the unlock button, holding it near the mobile phone on their end. Your car will unlock. Saves someone from having to drive your keys to you. Distance is no object. You could be hundreds of miles away, and if you can reach someone who has the other "remote" for your car, you can unlock the doors (or the trunk). Editors Note: It works fine! We tried it out and it unlocked our car over a mobile phone!"

 

3. Hidden Battery Power:

Imagine your mobile battery is very low. To activate, press the keys *3370# Your mobile will restart with this reserve and the instrument will show a 50% increase in battery. This reserve will get charged when you charge your mobile next time.

 

4. How to disable a STOLEN mobile phone?

To check your Mobile phone's serial number, key in the following digits on your phone!: star-hash-zero-six-hash * # 0 6 # A 15 digit code will appear on the screen. This number is unique to your handset. Write it down and keep it somewhere safe. When your phone get stolen, you can phone your service provider and give them this code. They will then be able to block your handset so even if the thief changes the SIM card, your phone will be totally useless. You probably won't get your phone back, but at least you know that whoever stole it can't use/sell it either. If everybody does this, there would be no point in people stealing mobile phones. Not only the above, but also in Australia your stolen phone is added to a "Stolen Mobile Phone" database, so if your phone is found later on it can be returned to you.

 

 

1 Comments
 
Little Johnny's at it again.....
02.22.08 (8:40 pm)   [edit]

A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!" After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?" "No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"

  

*     *      *      *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *

Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face. "Why do you do that, mommy?" he asked. "To make myself beautiful," said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue. "What's the matter?" asked Little Johnny. "Giving up?"

 
*     *     *     *     *      *    *      *     *     *     *

 
The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class. She called on him and said,
"Johnny! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?" Little Johnny quickly replied, "NBC, FOX, ESPN and the Cartoon Network!"

 
*      *      *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *

 
Little Johnny's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the 10 most wanted criminals. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person.  "Yes," said the policeman. "The detectives want very badly to capture him."   Little Johnny asked, "Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture?"

 
 *      *     *     *     *     *      *      *     *     *    *

 
Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's legs and rump, and chest. After a few minutes, Johnny asked, "Dad, why are you doing that?"   His father replied, "Because when I'm buying horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy.   Johnny, looking worried, said, "Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to buy Mom."

0 Comments
 
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